Life isn’t fair. This is a universal fact, and you can’t fight it. After all, how else would you explain situations like poverty, or me not getting a 5-star in Genshin Impact.

While it’s not fair, it is balanced. For every luck vacuum, there is a polar opposite. A Luck Sack, if you will. Someone so overflowing with luck, if nothing else, they’re proof that it’s physically impossible to get a pull entirely full of rare drops.

Anyone who plays any games with RNG knows one. Close your eyes. You’re probably thinking of them right now. Maybe they’re there, but you still have enough purity in your soul that you don’t see it. Here’s your spotter’s guide.

The Luck

You’d think this would be obvious. Yet somehow, whatever made the universe created common sense with a drop rate so bad you’d swear Bushiroad was behind it. Remember- your friend is NOT a luck sack just for getting the 5-star you want. The only supernatural monster at play here is your own green-eyed jealousy. If anything, you might want to look into what’s going on with you that everyone’s getting what you want.

The defining trait of the luck sack is consistent, replicable luck. They didn’t just get *one* SSR. They’ve somehow gotten *every* SSR, usually close to release.

This isn’t just limited to Gacha games, either. RNG is but the Luck Sack’s to command. Rare drops in Monster Hunter may as well be scales with how they’re going to swim in them. Heck, the Luck Sack in my life gets flinched out of attacks just in time to be safe from a fireball, that’s how insane this gets.

Money Is No Object

Of course, you may think that a luck sack does this without spending any money. Listen, man. Not even supernatural luck stats are that kind. Luck Sacks aren’t necessarily free-to-play, and may even be generous with how much they’ll spend for pulls.

I know what you’re thinking. “But if they spend money, it’s no wonder they’re getting good pulls! they just keep pulling until they get them!”

Look. Buddy. I played Overwatch back in the early years. I did my time. I spent physical money back before I even had an income, let alone disposable. Back in the day, I quested valiantly for Witch Mercy, and you know what? Zilch. Nada.

This cold reminder of the cruelty inherent in all matter in the universe manifested as I got the text from my bank, saying that the payment went through. As that text arrived, my lootbox showed nothing but greys and a single, solitary blue.

The luck sack does not have this kind of trauma inflicted on them. If nothing else, they almost have a directly proportionate relationship of paid pulls to succcess. There has to be a rational reason to this. Perhaps humanity is inherently sinful, hence our punishment? Maybe the luck sack is humanity at its purest? Maybe that’s how the universe was always supposed to work, and it’s only our own inherent sin that causes Jean to not come home, regardless of how much we spend.

They’re Not Hard To Find

Let it be known- you don’t have to scan a room for luck sacks. As long as they know you’re into gacha, the luck sacks make themselves known.

Despite this, many luck sacks don’t actually know they’re luck sacks. They’re familiar with their symptoms, sure, but they don’t actually consider themselves blessed by Nuffle.

Now, I should probably point out that Luck Sacks aren’t inherently malicious beings. Sure, they have all the cards you want, maybe even the occasional Evil Eye. With these Luck Sacks, the amount of psych damage they deal is directly affected by your own frustrations and insecurity.

The Luck Sack becomes dangerous when combined with a secondary trait- humble bragging. These Luck Sacks, on some subconscious level, know their supernatural odds-defying powers exist. Yet, they’re inclined to to constantly try to convince you that having an all-SSR tier party is somehow “bad” or “weird”. I’m sure you’ve all had the same conversation:

“Ugh, I got another trash pull”

“Oh, I got <insert card with droprate so low you didn’t even know they existed>. Isn’t it weird how I keep getting all these SSRs?”

Of course, it’s never enough to just have that two-line dialogue. Like any pro fighting game player knows, a good hit doesn’t mean squat if you don’t combo after it. And boy, is a Luck Sack ever-prepared.

“ok good for you man I just want my favorite character to come home”

“Yeah but I got it like on my first pull, it’s so weird right?”

It’s the persistent pressure that turns even something as mundane as bad gacha rates into a competition, the sheer denial of any room to grieve your wasted money, that gives the Luck Sack their supernatural power and reputation. This ultimate Luck Sack is one of the hardest to work with, after all.

Luck Sacks Are People, Too

At the end of the day, Luck Sacks are people, too. This goes two ways: firstly, don’t go verbally abusing people just because the game says their PNG is more valuable than yours. If anything, yell at the sky at how such a wildly anti-consumer game mechanic became so popular in the first place. Secondly, as people,  it’s perfectly acceptable to tell them to shut up if they really start getting on your nerves. It’s a give and take, really.

Moreover, if you’re reading this and somehow think it’s someone else’s fault you seem to be bad at virtual dice, consider looking deep into yourself and seeing why you’re so angry. There are professionals you can talk to about that kind of thing, you know. While it’s always fun to take a jab at someone for a quick laugh, maybe consult one of these professionals if you’re still feeling mad after the moment’s done.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to start doing the math on getting Jean home.